Hey everyone,
It's almost thanksgiving weekend. Hope everyone has some plans to spend Thanksgiving with family or friends. I'll only be able to spend a day with everyone on Thursday before I have to fly back to Irvine cause I'm too broke to fly back on the weekend. This also means that this will be my last week with my brothers car cause I'm giving it back to him. Although I got friends and I can get by, it'll definitely makes things such as going out and shopping difficult, but I'm used to it. Depending on what happens this year I should consider getting a car.
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Thanksgiving always reminds me of giving thanks. Normally I am not the type of person to be thankful, cause my situation isn't always where I want it to be but this year for sure I have a few things to be thankful for. The first is that my brother is still alive. That is a big plus. A year ago he suffered a massive hemorrhage and for a while I thought we were going to lose him, but he managed to pull through. I'll never know the hardship he has to deal with, working so hard to do actions we make look so easy. I am very thankful for his upbeat spirit, even if he has some bad days. I would too if I was in those circumstances. I remain hopeful that he will continue to work and hopefully we can laugh about it some day:
"Hey you remember the time you had that stroke?"
"Yeah. Totally sucked"
-Cheers-
Thankful for having my brothers car this quarter, even if it's selfish to think about. It definitely made my life more convenient and it gives me the ability to get around so I'm thankful for that. I am thankful that even though I'm away on this journey to become an actor, I haven't felt too lonely. Maybe I'm too busy to think about it. Sure there are some days where I feel down, but I'm thankful it's at a minimal right now.
I'm especially thankful for being alive right now cause I just had a battle with death. I went to bed about 6pm cause I was sleepy. As I fell out of consciousness, my brain just went crazy. I could feel like electric shocks to my head and then my mouth went dry. My whole body went numb and I could feel my heart beating really fast. I thought, "Holy shit! Am I having a heart attack?" and it got hard to breath. I couldn't see anything, as if my eyes were closed and the gravity felt weird as if I was on unsteady ground. Even though I couldn't feel my limbs, I could move my head somewhat and I managed to move my head to where I felt like I was standing. Somehow I knew I was in my apartment. and while I couldn't see per say I had this weird Daredevil sense. I tell them "Hey call the ambulance. Think, I'm having a heart attack," then all of the sudden I'm back in the bed but I feel weaker and I can't feel my arms. This scenario repeats it'self five times, every time I feel weaker and weaker. On the last time I try to move, with every ounce of effort I had and I make it into the kitchen. I manage to let out, "...need water" in this out of breath way. My roommates look at me with this annoyance, probably because I'm not dead yet and say something like, "Dude you need water again!?" then I teleported back to the bed. My heart beat almost goes to a stand still. This is it I thought. I guess it's all over. All of a sudden I had all these thoughts of goals I've yet to reach. How much sacrifice my family made for me. I couldn't just lay here and die in this anti-climatic matter. Fuck this. In a rebel manner, I made a fist with my hands as if to say, 'Fuck you death! If you want me, you gonna have work for it,' and by an extraordinary amount of effort, I willed myself back to life! My eyes opened and I was lying on my bed. My dry mouth once again became lubricated with saliva and the numbness left my limps.
I still woke up with a sore neck though. Crap. So anyway I guess it was a dream, but it's more awesome to think I kicked death's ass. I still have dreams I need to accomplish and not even death can stop me!
Falla yo Dream guys,
Jeremy Falla
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